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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Demanding what you have no right to ask

Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.) demands an apology. Hat Tip PJ Media. This particular issue concerned Chairman Darrell Issa's accusation that Hillary Clinton may have ordered the Pentagon to stand down the night of the Benghazi terrorist attack on the US consulate in Libya.
“Although you have frequently made baseless accusations without evidence to support them, I believe the statements you made on Monday in New Hampshire are the most insulting and unpatriotic accusations you have made during your past three years as Chairman. You may believe this kind of affront is acceptable at a political event with donors who expect rhetoric with ‘red meat,’ but Members of Congress have a higher and more solemn responsibility to respect the Constitution and those charged with fulfilling its mission. As the Ranking Member of this Committee, I ask that you publicly apologize for your statements and withdraw them immediately.”
The quote from Chairman Issa:
“We need to have an answer of when the secretary of Defense had assets that he could have begun spinning up. Why there was not one order given to turn on one Department of Defense asset? I have my suspicions, which is Secretary Clinton told Leon [Panetta] to stand down, and we all heard about the stand down order for two military personnel. That order is undeniable.”
Two people disagree...vehemently! One of them crosses some hypothetical imaginary line. You see, now this person has just gone too far. Before it was a friendly disagreement, now ... now ... he's officially offended. And he demands ... he demands! that the other party take it back. He demands that the other party unsay or undo whatever it is. He demands that his enemy admits he was wrong. He demands an apology. Demanding an apology is nothing more than crass brazen hypocrisy. If it wasn't so hypocritical, I would demand that any person who dares to demand an apology should be forced to apologize. What is an apology? An apology only means something if the person who committed the dastardly deed sincerely regrets its doing. Imagine a serial-killer "apologizing" to the families of his victims ... all he's doing is hoping for a little mercy, the same mercy he never once showed to his prey. A serial killer's apology is the exact opposite of an apology, it's an affront, a splash of salt in an open wound. It's more than an insult, it's yet one more act of darkest evil that our system of justice allows to happen to a grieving family ... but what it is not, what it can never be, is an honest admission of error.

When two friends who happen to disagree vehemently about a particular topic lose their tempers and say things that they later come to regret, I think at that moment there is probably an apology that comes due. But, when two enemies battle, they battle without regret. The only mistake possible is failing to annihilating their foe from the face of the Earth. The gall, the effrontery, the sheer arrogance of demanding an apology from your most hated foe is the epitome of hypocrisy!

You demand an apology Elijah Cummings? Let me tell you where you stand. You stand athwart every dream I hold dear. You stand against every moral standard I hold true. You are anathema, and I declare us enemies from this moment forward. If I see you drowning I will attack your rescuer. If I see you burning, I will hunt for accelerant. If I see you bleeding, I will fill my cup. Do you understand yet? I despise you without reservation! You are my enemy, and as such I desire only one thing from you ... an apology!

Elijah Cummings, you demand that your declared enemy abase himself before you and confess that you are right while he is wrong? Let me tell you something Elijah Cummings. I'm offended! That's right. I demand an apology from you! In the name of all that is right and good I call upon you to abase yourself. In the name of all humanity, from the richest to the poorest, from the strongest to the weakest, from the most exalted to the most despised, for their sakes, for all of our sakes, I demand that you—Elijah Cummings—apologize. You can pick your own method of contrition ... as long as its fatal. Noose, pills, gun, high place, deep water, razor, self-immolation, etc. All of humanity is waiting. Your very existence is the sin. Now tell us that you're sorry!

UPDATE 03/06/2014 6:48 AM CST

Friends and family have informed me that the above apology topic that I wrote about yesterday went too far. They have demanded that I apologize to my readers. So, with genuine and heart felt remorse, I abjectly beg your forgiveness.

I shouldn't have written that if Elijah Cummings was drowning I would attack his rescuer. That was wrong. Obviously there wouldn't be a rescuer, and so I'm sorry. Furthermore, I apologize for writing that if Elijah Cummings was on fire I would hunt for accelerant. I now realize that far from getting distracted I would savor every delicious and fiery drop of schadenfreude.

Finally, last but certainly not least, I apologize for saying that if Elijah Cummings was bleeding I would find a cup. I'm sorry. I realize that I didn't make myself clear. I would find a cup to pour champagne in for a celebratory toast, not fill it so that I could drink his blood. I never meant that I wanted to drink his blood! Gross! Lord only knows what vile diseases and foul ungoodness is oozing through his bloated, disgusting, and grotesque carcass.

No truly sincere apology would be complete without a genuine compliment—a sort of bury the hatchet kind of thing. Therefore Elijah Cummings, I must admit I admire your tenacity in the face of worldwide condemnation. You represent your constituency not only with your heartfelt words, but also with deeds and determination. God put parasites on this giant dirt ball for a reason, and far be it from me to second guess His divine purpose. Even though I can't fathom the need for mosquitos, ticks, leeches, fleas, lice and those like yourself, I believe in my heart that even these seemingly useless vermin have their place here on this good Earth. So, to you and your ilk—ilk means useless parasitic dirtbags like yourself, Eli—I salute you, and may you receive everything you truly deserve.

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