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Monday, February 11, 2013

The trouble with women...

Yeah I know this is just a blog post, not an I may leave out a few things. Women want equality, right? They want to be as successful in business as men. Women in the political arena want high office just like men, including the Presidency of the United States some day. They want the right to battle it out in a steel cage, a stadium, or a gridiron, and finally they want the right to be soldiers on the frontlines of a battlefield.

If that's what they really want, if they really want to be treated equally, then why do they act the way they do? You don't see guys spending hours putting all kinds of crap on our faces and curling our hair. You don't see guys wearing pants designed to outline our butts so intimately that we could sit down facing south on a north-going caterpillar and leave its journey completely uninterrupted. When was the last time—outside of swimming competitions—that you saw a guy at the pool in Speedos? Yet, women lounging in the sun wearing next-to-nothing bikinis is what we usually do see. When I go to the news-stand I haven't ever noticed row after row of magazines with nothing but advice about how to look sexy in order to entice, please, attract, tease, thrill, capture ... women.

It's just such complete and total bullshit! Women don't want equality. They want security. They want the life-size dollhouse and all that goes with it. They want children and maybe a pet and they want food on the table and a car in the garage. There are some women who like to fight. There are some women who're good at physical contact sports and there are probably even a few women who actually want to go to war...I guess anything's possible, but it's not usual. It's unusual. Women want security and in the good old days they got that through marriage. They settled down and their job was to make their man happy, and in the process they make themselves happy. Security was found through marriage and by keeping the husband happy. It's not that way anymore and I guess...some of you...are glad it isn't. It doesn't take marriage anymore to guarantee security. You women can have that house and all that goes with it. You can have the kids and the food on the table and the car in the garage...and now you're not required to keep a man happy to do it. Does that make you proud? Vindicated? As you play your games and entice clueless fools into your Venus flytrap, be aware that America is almost dead. Congratulations, you've almost killed the golden goose.

If I set out to design a more unjust and crooked system I don't think on my darkest and most diabolical day I could ever surpass what we've got. Democrats hold these truths to be self-evident, that all women are created to vote for Democrats, that they have the right to no-fault divorce, abortion, child support, and welfare and that to secure these rights, bureaucracies are instituted against men, deriving their unjust powers from the malignant misinterpretation of the law, despite the outrage of the compelled.

Please women, allow me to tell you our side. It's the side of the story you never hear, never listen to, never consider, probably didn't even know existed. Guys don't spend our days—or nights—thinking about you women, learning how to seduce you, practicing flirty looks and sexy walks, painting our faces and styling our hair. We don't study the science of laying baited-traps where we are the bait. We don't spend our childhood dressing up dolls and playing house. We don't give a flying fart in a windstorm about drapes or matching colors or china patterns. We like things that work and we hate things that break. We like those who can and will and we are annoyed by those who can't or won't. You say you want equality? Fine. I don't bore you with my personal life, so stop telling me about your problems. I don't want to hear the details of your time of the month or how much it hurts to have a baby. The first sounds like a personal problem and the second sounds like maybe you never heard of an epidural.

No, this isn't some kind of unhinged rant from another poor slob on the hook for eighteen years of child-support. I've got children and I'm married to their mother. I do, however, claim quite a bit of expertise in this subject. I've worked in human resources for the past seventeen years. Whenever someone calls to complain about the wages withheld from their paycheck, they talk to me. My company is a fairly large one and in the time I've been employed with it, I've overseen the pillaging of some 90,368 paychecks. Almost every one of those paychecks was made out to a guy. Of the thousands of people who've had child-support involuntarily withheld over the years, almost all of them were men. Now, why do you suppose that is? I bet the term "deadbeat-mom" doesn't ring any bells either.

Little Suzie spends her childhood pretending to do homemakery kinds of things. She's got a dollhouse with furniture and dolls and clothing. She's got an easy bake oven and a tea set. When her friends come over they usually stay inside and they play little-girly pretend-like games. They laugh and giggle and whisper. I grew up with a couple of sisters and believe me all they do is whisper! ...until they learned sign-language spelling and then it was non-stop hand-gestures...and later it was one hand to the side of the face so I couldn't see lip-reading. By the way, the idea of a hand to the side of the face is what informed my understanding of the term "two-faced." Deceit starts with secrets. You can't have one without the other, and so all that whispering and sign-language and lip-reading—and all of it with the tacit approval of step-mother-dearest—told me only that I was witness to the most inscrutable insurmountable and pertinacious dishonesty possible...whenever it was that two females were communicating with each other.

If you can imagine it, our nation decided to allow momma to decide whether she wants an abortion or not. Maybe she wants one maybe she doesn't. The father waits for the mother to decide. Later after mother weighs the pros and cons, she makes a shrewd financial decision. Is baby-daddy going to be a steady-earner? How many more baby-daddies does she need to trap and harness to her wage-slave dawg-sled to complete the team?

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