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Friday, January 25, 2013

Why does it matter? I'll tell you why it matters!

A friend of mine doesn't understand why it matters that Beyonce lip-synced the national anthem at Obama's inaugural address. Not only was it breathtakingly dishonest, not only did it put the icing on Obama's grotesque towering cake of lies, it lit the candle and then blew it out too! That the national media's only response to this is to ask why it matters, is really such a stunning sentiment, such a failure of comprehension about what being an American means that really, I don't understand why there aren't 300 million broken televisions sets littering every street in the nation. Why does it matter? Are you kidding me!

This whole controversy reminded me of an earlier one of the same kind. If you haven't ever seen Tosh.0 on Comedy Central you're missing out. Daniel Tosh, the host, picks a variety of funny YouTube videos and while they're playing makes funny comments. He picks one of those videos and invites the participants on his show for what he calls: “web redemption.” I mention this because you know who deserves redemption? Rosanne Barr. I know, I know. She's nothing but a psycho liberal kook these days, but I want you to think back, back to when she was a little more on the normal side. It was before her National Anthem days. Take a look at this:

Yes, it was awful. It was awful in a lot of ways. It displayed a complete lack of understanding by both Rosanne Barr and the people who thought this asinine rendition of the anthem would be entertaining, perhaps even funny? They didn't get it. They thought it would be funny to put a comedian in a situation for which she was entirely unsuited. She was completely unable to hit the high notes, and she was flat through most of the song, meaning that either she'd never been coached through it or she was even perhaps intentionally making it worse. I thoroughly believe that both she and those responsible for putting her out there were totally surprised by the audience's reaction. They didn't see it coming. You see, they don't understand patriotism.

I'm unable to do a television redemption like Daniel Tosh is. I'm unable to invite Rosanne Barr on my show and explain where she went wrong, and allow her to try again. I can't do any of that. However with simple words I'll try to explain to her—in case she happens to read this and to anyone else who doesn't understand—why the National Anthem is not a laughing matter, nor a lip-syncing one, and why it matters.

Rosanne...Okay I've listened to you sing. Honey...I'll be blunt. Don't quit your comedian job okay? You couldn't sing happy birthday with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing harmony. It's not your fault. You have your funny moments but the National Anthem wasn't one of them. You see, you understand what's funny most of the time, but in this case you don't understand patriotism. If you did it wouldn't have gone like this.

Most of us have family that have been here for more generations than we even know about, unless the family genealogist drags out his scrap book and bangs it into our heads. This is your Great Uncle Danny Carpenter. He was killed in WWII. This was Danny's wife Phyllis...and their daughter—your aunt—Aunt Ellen. Almost every American has a family member somewhere in their line that saluted a flag, took an oath and fought on foreign soil to protect freedom back here on American soil. Many of those who fought, also died in that fight. Can you understand that it was not just their sacrifice, it was also ours. They lost their lives and that's a terrible loss when they were so young, but we who lost them, lost also . We lost all those years we could have had with them. With the children they never had, the stories they never told. The love and brotherhood they never got the chance to share with us.

If you can't understand that then try to understand this: Many Americans came here to America seeking a better life. They left everything behind, their families, their friends, their jobs, their homes, everything! They bet it all on a hope and a prayer. They came here and some of them didn't even speak our language. I'm talking about the ones who came here legally by the way, not the ones who sneaked across illegally. I'm talking about the ones who followed our rules from day one and agreed to obey our laws. When they made it, when they looked around them at their new lives, their new friends, their new family, new job, new home, new everything, they felt not only pride in their accomplishment, not only pride at being an American, but pride of America itself. That's patriotism, too. Can't you see Rosanne how at some point any of us would look upon the symbol of our freedom and feel proud? Can't you see how angry you would feel if you were us and some idiot like you spit on our symbol? Rosanne this Country is the last hope of mankind. I know you don't believe that today. I know with your millions and your private plane and all it's hard for you to understand that for the rest of us, this is it. This is our home and we don't want you stinking it up with your unpatriotic not even remotely funny anthem shrieking.

It matters Rosanne because we, our family, our friends, every one of us, feels this amazing feeling that I guess you don't understand. Maybe you'd think of it as brainwashing, Rosanne, honestly I'm not sure that people like you ever could understand that feeling. It's the pride you'd feel watching your son win the ballgame with a grand-slam home run or a touchdown. It's both the joy and the sadness you'd feel watching your daughter kiss the groom. It's the reason we're here. It's the meaning of life. And listening to you sing what you sang makes us angry Rosanne. It's the fury you'd feel if someone threatened your three-year-old daughter. It's the feeling you'd get if someone stood up in front of you, pulled out their peter, and then literally pissed in your face. Are you starting to understand yet Rosanne? There are a few things we would give our lives for. They include God, family, and the USA.

Rosanne the only way you can make this right is by trying to understand where we come from, and how proud we are to be Americans. You don't piss on me, my family, my Bible or my flag. If you're disrespectful or dismissive to any of those, you're not going to hear any of us clapping; you're going to hear the opposite. Now dry your eyes Rosanne and read us your 500 word essay on what patriotism means to you. Good. Now Rosanne I want you to lead all of us as we all sing the national anthem. You lead, and don't worry about it; we'll hit those high notes.

As for you Obama and you Beyonce...


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