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Sunday, January 20, 2013

The Coronation of Emperor Barack I

Click the picture above to see Obama in his full-size majestic splendor. Well, I suppose that there are some people who will say that this painstakingly crafted rendition of a famous French painting is offensive. The original painting features the coronation of Emperor Napoleon I, some 208 years before today's coronation of Emperor Barack I.

If you find that you are offended, then just know that some of my arduous and painstakingly artistic efforts will not have been in vain. For today President Obama is Emperor Barack I. I can't think of a more apt comparison than Napoleon Bonaparte and Barack Obama. Men of such infinitely monumental egos as these two have but seldom glorified this mundane soil by trodding upon our humble Earth.

Today I look back upon my formative years. I was taught that I have the freedom of speech, albeit with numerous caveats. I can say what I want even if it offends others, and yet I was also instructed that I don't have the right to say certain things. There are words I'm forbidden to use and concepts I'm forbidden to illustrate. There are many ideas that are racist or sexist or bigoted or hateful that I'm not allowed to explain lest someone's imaginary world view become threatened by the hateful speech of reality.

It is only through the power of this implacable thought-control that Obama finds himself in the position he stands today. When you look back on the election and you wonder how it is that Obama won, consider not the things that were said but those left unsaid. Why didn't Romney mention reverend Jeremiah Wright? Why didn't he mention the flagrant forgery of a birth certificate? What did Obama have going on with Fast and Furious, and how can Obama protect Attorney General Eric Holder with executive privilege unless Obama himself was involved in it? Why didn't Romney ever mention Fast and Furious? Why did Romney allow the Benghazi boondoggle to go practically unremarked upon? In every case the answer is the same. It was the unparalleled power of the thought-control that was put in place by a vast left-wing conspiracy composed of the mainstream media, public education and subsidized universities, unions, and the Democratic Party.

This conspiracy was formed to do one thing, and that was to silence all contrary and dissenting voices. It was so successful that today we will coronate an Emperor who can at long last finally abolish the useless freedoms found within the Constitution and institute in their place a true and lasting state of identical wealth and equality of outcome for every citizen.

No longer will America be the land of the free. Instead we will be the land of the fair. Fair means everyone will have the same wealth as everyone else. No more will the poor have to huddle in front of a space-heater while the other five rooms in their house are left cold. No more will the rich live like princes in their mansions eating pheasant under glass and drinking hundred-dollar bottles of wine, while the poor are forced to eat hamburger-helper and drink Kool-Aid. No more will some kids be forced to ride the bus to school while other more fortunate kids are chauffeured in a Rolls Royce. Instead there will be a fairness doctrine that will be instituted by Imperial Decree.

Because wealth will necessarily be confiscated from the rich, there is probably going to be some anger and perhaps even unrest. Those who find themselves less well off than they were, may become bitter. They may even become defiant. Perhaps even—dare I suggest it?—openly rebellious! Let me be the first to inform you that rebellion and any kind of insurrection will absolutely not be tolerated in this new Empire of the United States. There's not going to be any kind of civil disobedience either! Because guns are a tool of rebellion they also are no longer going to be tolerated.

There's no use crying over spilled milk or lost freedom. You're going to have to look on the bright side. Yes, Obama Care will necessarily cause the cost of health care to skyrocket. Yes, new EPA regulations will necessarily cause the price of gasoline, electricity, and natural gas to skyrocket. And yes, coal will just have to stay in the ground where it belongs. So, if you work in the coal industry you'll need to look into food stamps and subsidized housing. See this is the bright side. Even though prices will go up and wages will go down, because of this you'll at some point be able to qualify for government assistance. There are all kinds of programs for the poor. The bright side is this: Poor is the new rich. The price of everything is necessarily going to go up, and this while everyone's wages will remain flat or perhaps even fall. This is for our own good. You see, we're too rich. Sorry, but America is just too rich.

Yes, that's what I said. Even the poorest American is too rich in global terms. Spreading the wealth means spreading it off of American soil and onto lands and peoples that hate us because we are too rich. Emperor Barack understands that hatred caused by jealousy can only be appeased by making everyone on Earth equally rich—or as some would say—equally poor, depending on your perhaps biased standpoint.

On this, Emperor Barack I's coronation day I am sure that many of you who voted for Emperor Obama are happily hailing Obama while fingering through your rosary beads, and thanking God and Jesus for these four more years of Hope'n'Change. My own hope and my own fervent prayer is that those of you who are responsible for Emperor Barack The First, will get everything that you've asked for and everything that you've got coming to you.

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