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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Don't Touch My Junk!

Nude Body Scanners and "Enhanced Patdowns" enable Big Brother to take a giant leap forward. National media sources seem to be highly in favor of this heavy-handed practice. Polls are cited by the media that show two thirds of Americans favor these unconstitutional searches in airports. Underwear bombers are mentioned, and concerns are raised about hypothetical explosives possibly concealed in the crotch area. Complaints about privacy issues are airily dismissed as being trivial objections raised by Bible Clinging Prudes. The standard opinion of media spokespersons is that if it helps combat terrorism then everyone should just go along with it.

I'll start by asking a really big question. A question I've not yet heard asked by any media figure, nor asked by any individual. The question is: have any pollsters ever bothered to conduct their polls at the airport? Hmmm? I have little doubt that people who are affected by these invasive procedures have an entirely different opinion about them. When you poll some random sampling of people―most of whom don't imagine themselves flying on an airplane any time in the near future or indeed perhaps ever―the question becomes hypothetical. As we are all aware, hypothetical questions of moral equivalence are almost always answered as though the answerer were Saint Peter himself. It is at best useless information, if not outright fabrication.

Well, it seems pointless now, to protest over this new monumental loss of freedom, a freedom guaranteed by our Constitution. The freedoms enumerated in the Bill of Rights have undergone a steady erosion over the last eighty years as American citizens traded safety and security for freedom.

Freedom it seems, is little valued anymore. That's the saddest thing of all to me; sadder by far than any number of untimely deaths. When the day comes when you've given up every last tattered shred of freedom you once had, and you lie safe and secure and dying in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our leaders that they may fine us, they may imprison us, they may even take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom?!

As terrorists become trickier, the slippery slope will only get more slippery. While I wait for the first rectal bomb to be discovered I can only ass-ume that KY Jelly will ease our passage into the world of randomly egalitarian body cavity searches.

(Memo to Self: sell [DAL], buy [JNJ])